Tales From The Classroom
I moved to NYC because I wanted to be around gay people. Having lived in a large Midwestern city and a small New England town, I decided I needed a vibrant community to become involved in. I decided that I would never be closeted or secretive.
While I was in grad school for my certificate in education, I met many teachers and future teachers who were gay. I asked them how they felt about coming out to their students and received a wide array of answers. Some said go for it. Others frowned and looked away. Only a few had honest discussions about how to handle the situation.
When school started in September, I was undecided. To be more honest, I was afraid of the reaction from the other staff members. Or maybe my own self-hate was the real obstacle.
There is one other gay teacher, a man, who doesn’t want to come out and keeps his personal life to himself. That’s fine, it works for him, but it doesn’t work for me. I am very talkative; if I went to a movie, I tell the students. If I had a crazy experience on the subway, I want to talk about it. The students ask me questions and I try to duck and dodge. Every time they ask me my past or about boyfriends I feel worse.
There are even a few female students at my school who are open about the fact that they’re gay. They wear rainbow flag paraphernalia every single day and speak openly about their dates and their girlfriends. In fact, any time a male student makes an anti-gay remark he is sure to say, “I mean its ok with me” or “I got no problem with two women”. This group of lesbians is not like past generations who kept secrets or felt remorse. They may have never been to gay pride or attended a benefit for the gay and lesbian task force but they have broken down doors that will never stand again.
I still haven’t come up with a solution to coming out. I can’t announce it in the middle of class, that would be inappropriate and cause more questions. Should I pull one of these girls aside? Would she even care? Would it make a difference to her?
As I write this, I am thinking about what it would have meant to me to have an openly gay teacher when I was 16. I might not even be having this dilemma now.
I know there’s only one question and that’s HOW. -Teach
When I was in high school I had several openly gay teachers. Then again, I did grow up in the Netherlands. Apart from a few rude comments and sniggers now and then I don't remember it ever being a big deal. I think it was mainly not a big deal because the teachers themselves did not make it out to be a big deal.
I think it's easiest to come out as a teacher when you are in a relationship. Next time a student or anyone else asks about your bf or husband, you can just answer their question saying "my gf and I" etc. or just bring it up your self "my gf and I...".
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You will know when the time is right to come out, and speak freely about your life.
What will happen over time is you will develop some friendships with your students as I did as a college professor. Some of these people were my age or older, and, others younger.
It's my feeling that a student may reach out to you, and, you'll be able to help him or her, and, at the same time be yourself. There's nothing wrong with talking about it if you feel comfortable.
If you are open and considerate to both your students and fellow teachers, in time, you can speak up.
Even though I am not in your situation, I have a unique dilemma as I served in the military.
There have been many who have recoiled when they heard that I served my country. I guess my demeanor and how I carry myself is quite different than the myth that has been around regarding women veterans.
I am always happy to dispel this myth, and, tell them otherwise. Some have accepted me for who I am, and, others, walked away.
I will not apologize for who I am, what I've done, and, neither should you.
Your gift is to be true to yourself, and, live life the way you want to. Follow your muse!
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